Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm both gender and math confused
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
