Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
