its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
