I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't deserve a penis
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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