I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
