I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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