It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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