Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
