R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
