in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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