we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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