4 words: hood of his car
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
