I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
