y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
