he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
