walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
