Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
