Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
