and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
