DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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