"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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