You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
