I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We have so much sex to catch up on
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
