How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
