Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
