dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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