Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
