if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
