so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
