Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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