So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
