Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
