you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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