We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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