he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
