I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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