I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You pole danced in your parka.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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