It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
