it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
