wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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