You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
