Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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