Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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