so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
