I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
