Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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