I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
