Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
