At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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