That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's never too late to be topless.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
